I’m scared.
Of rejection. Of failure. Of making a mistake. Of fucking up.
And what do I do when I get scared?
I clam up. I say nothing. I try to take it all in.
It doesn’t really work.
I’m sure you all know by now about my Asperger’s - but that’s only half of it. I’ve also got a bit of a mild anxiety disorder. Basically, I get nervous over the littlest things.
Things like talking to a person about how I feel about them.
I tried tonight to tell someone how I feel about them. I didn’t quite manage it - only managed to say something somewhat related. I just clammed up.
Why?
I was scared of what they might have said back to me. And I don’t know if I’ll ever know what they think.
Well, I do, kind of, because a mutual friend (who I can’t thank enough) was able to tell me. But it was scary to me to even ask to talk to that mutual friend about this in the first place.
I got nervous again.
I wish I wasn’t like this. I hate not being able to express my emotions. I can’t do it, even in private, because I fear how I feel. I want to cry right now, but I physically can’t do it. I haven’t done so in months.
If anything, I’m getting more nervous by the day, just about life in general.
But the worst thing is not knowing how to act socially, and when I try, getting so nervous about it that I screw it up. It’s a vicious circle.
I fucking hate it.
If you’re reading this, and you know me from dancing, you probably know who I’m talking about, at least for one of them.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter.
It just compounds my unhappiness daily. I’d say I’m definitely more unhappy than happy. And I don’t like it.
If you are the person I clammed up to - I’m sorry. I wish I could say what I wanted to to you.
(Source: chelseawoosh)
A bookmark and my mousepad.
I couldn’t even fight off one zombie with those items, let alone ten!
A GPS and a banana peel. Wow okay.
My headphones and my laptop cord.
I guess I could make the laptop cord a lasso or whip or something.
Pencils and a stapler? That could actually work!
A tv remote and a cell phone. i’m screwed.
My dog and my remote. Oh.
HAHAHAHA! A coaster and headphones! Bring it!
A loaf of bread anddddd a banana! :0
Game of Thrones novel and my binder…could work as a delay!
Two hard drives. Yes, I’m a geek. They’re going straight through the heads. Heavy enough to have some heft to them, light enough I can lift them. I’ll be fine. :P
(Source: agiledash)
This is true. And it’s why I can’t talk to you. I’m just too nervous.
(Source: jaidenbatchler)
(Source: textfromdog)
………
It’s obvious, isn’t it? Champion Germans applying rabbit ears to champion Finns.
(Source: semaj-what)
Who remembers
Motherfucking Scholastic
Book
Orders
And then the magical travelling romani circus of scholastic would randomly show up and you’d never care to buy any books but they had AWESOME gadgets and toys for sale
at the motherfucking BOOK FAIR
I do. Because Mum RUNS them at my school.
Had this song stuck in my head. All. Freaking. Day.
